It was Jeanette who put me here. Who doesn’t LOVE her? While she quietly, enthusiastically encouraged me to take a leap into the world of blogs she went so far as to set one up for me. And when I could barely get by the password part, she found an army of people to give me direction. It brought me back to the beginnings of my iparenting diary, when people you would never meet could fix all the problems of your world and in the same breath remind you how absolutely fabulous you are. Those faceless relationships that matter.
So I started paying for my blog back in October and for the first hour I was very excited (albeit a little overwhelmed). I hadn’t made the rounds so I had no idea what I found appealing and as I dabbled, I knew there was no way in hell I could have something cool. I mean I could barely scan a picture. And being cool matters.
That hour was all I had. Brandan plays hockey four times a week and has an hour of homework a night. Kaillan has ballet and skating lessons. Brandan takes piano lessons and was trying out for the inter-city soccer team. I was on the parent social committee at school and I run the fundraising lunch programme there, I was managing his hockey team. We had social things happening three days a week and both Remo and I were over our heads at work. So while I blew it off, it kind of hung over my head as something I really wanted to get working on. While it’s fun to share us with the world and meet people along the way, keeping a diary my kids will treasure a hundred million years from now means everything to me.
We had a couple of absolutely, insanely, crazy busy-nuts months. I was cramming things in left and right and getting disorganized by the minute and wasting so much time looking for things I was foaming at the mouth from exasperation. You have no idea. Three days before Christmas I was in the mall frantically searching for perfect presents and there was nothing to be had. I found out Chapters was open til 11:00 p.m. so I went and bought $574 worth of books, one for them, two for me. I got home late and couldn’t sort things out because I had to wrap 29 gifts for teachers/day care monitors/secretaries/principals. I was doing loot bags for the kids to bring to school/day care. Brandan had Christmas M&Ms and Lance Armstrong bracelets for his, Emmie had green playdough, Kaillan had Christmas chocolate bars and cartoon Kleenex. I wrapped 72 loot bags in tissue paper and cellophane and halfway through it I knew it didn’t make any sense. What the hell was I doing this for? That first year we did it, Brandan and I had such fun, shopping at the dollar store whilst carefully choosing something to give to his 15 classmates and then together we wrapped it all up and waited for the day when he’d finally get to surprise them. With four hundred million things that also had to get done, I was wasting my life and money on 72 meaningless loot bags.
I don’t know if that straw I was holding was short or long. But I felt change coming.
I swore on my life this year I would be so on top of things we would revel in the wonder and spirit and magic of the holidays…and there I was in the worst shape ever. On the eve of the last day of school I stayed up half the night preparing gifts and Remo got so sidetracked with the to-do list I had given him, he forgot to deliver them. Actually, I very nearly shoved every last present up his nose I was so mad at him. Nothing was going right and I felt overwhelmed and it wasn’t just about Christmas; my priorities were totally screwed up.
We decided to throw a big New Year’s Eve-Eve party. So there I was in between writing a Christmas letter and 85 cards, trying to make fancy invitations. I got so far behind, I didn’t send 20 out because the RSVP date was like tomorrow and how would that look. Of the ones I hand-delivered, 60 friends said yes. Way back when I first said “Hey Remo, how can we not have a party, it’s Christmas <and we have one every year>!” and he agreed…after he asked if I was whacked in the head…I called a caterer my girlfriend had used to get a quote. I told him I would call back to confirm, never even giving him a head count. We ended up going with a friend of the family who owns a great Italian restaurant. Now obviously there had to be a bump in the road, because he went on to have a beautiful baby boy the day before the party leaving his chef in charge, the perfect recipe for a misunderstanding. What was awkward was that call from the first caterer asking when we were going to pick up that food we ordered. WHAT???!! I decided to buy 60 plates, sets of cutlery and wine and high ball glasses because in the long run it would be cheaper than renting if you factor in all the parties we will have in our lifetime <HA!>, but we forgot to consider the time it would take to remove the stickers off the 300 dishes before washing. Lighter fluid saved the day. Thank God I decided against drinking it.
So the lemon veal was perfect, the pasta was good, though there was more of it than I have eaten in my life and I’ve been with an Italian for 15 years. The back-up chicken we ordered at the last minute from the guy down the street when the other chicken showed up leathery, was fantastic. We had hors d’ oeuvres, salads and green beans with almonds, glazed carrots and roasted potatoes with caramelized onions, Grand Marnier and pine nuts that were absolutely amazing, I could go downstairs this very minute to make a batch if you’d like. And while I was not ready at all, the party was fun and bustling, we played games and they stayed late.
But when I woke up the next morning I knew this time the new me would be for real.
I’ve always been busy, moving. Even if I want to watch something on TV, which I have to say happens very rarely these days, I’m either ironing or sorting socks or building lego with Brandan or doing puzzles with Kaillan; multi-tasking is the very core of who I am. People tell me all the time they don’t know how I do it. I usually shoosh them off or if I’m particularly extended I’ll say I don’t sleep that’s all. But how do I do it? I believe if you want something done, ask a busy person. What all of a sudden I most wanted to know was why do I do it.
Will racing to get ahead ever get me there? Nope. Will fancy loot bags make my children successful? Not a chance. On the contrary I want them to stand on their merit and values. Maybe the big party helped us to return the invitation to all those we went to this year but I ran around so much during it, I barely caught up with anyone.
All of a sudden I’m craving focus. And order. And mostly, time together as a family that’s awesome. While I know I’m pretty balanced, I also know where I could give more and what I should let go.
I feel like that woman who gained five pounds and knows she should probably be careful and then she gains ten pounds, but it isn’t until she hits twenty pounds that she does something about it. I had to be up against the wall with heart palpitations to get it. Maybe I’m only a week into the new year but I feel this amazing calm in how I’m going about things. I’m being open-minded. I’m as up to my eyeballs in projects as I was before but I’m going to take them one at a time with one of the kids beside me while I’m at it. (Just one!) Instead of thinking about holy crap, what else I have to do; I’m excited by whatever I finish.
Which brings me to my theme here. Getting it together.
It’ll take a village. With an army.
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