Because life isn't a dress rehearsal...: Martha’s Vineyard 2005

It was happenstance actually. A mom I met through school asked us if we wanted go out to supper with their friends on a Saturday night. We said sure and somehow Shelley and James were invited to. When Molly asked what we were doing on the Saturday night and we told her the restaurant we were going to and she’d never been there before and always wanted to try it, I said I would ask if they could come too. It’s not that I habitually break cardinal rules of etiquette, but it really seemed like the more the merrier kind of date. Just before we left I discovered it was actually the mom’s birthday, did that mean we should bring gifts? Shelley and I decided wine, we’d be safe with nice bottles of wine because what if whoever else was there didn’t know it was her birthday and then we embarrassed everyone. Shelly and James picked us up and then we picked up Molly and Danny and when we got to the restaurant parking lot Danny asked who it was we were going to dinner with. When I told him I mentioned it might be her birthday dinner and really, you had to see the look on his face when he said “we’re going to a birthday party and we don’t know her?” You’d never have guessed because when we got to the table, Danny swooped up the birthday girl and gave her a hug and smooches and adulation and then we settled in at our end of the table for a great feast. While toasting this and that, Danny mentioned we should really come to Martha’s Vineyard with them.

We were half-booked the next day.

And so began the great Black Dog Adventure.

Danny’s cousins Mino and Carol were in on the trip long before we came along, they’d been going for years. Graeme and Debbie had to come because well, we were going. Between the five couples we had 11 1/2 children.

We had two pre-Martha’s Vineyard dinners to organize ourselves. At the first one, Danny, wearing every piece of Black Dog clothing he bought there, pulled out a map the size of the island and plotted our days. We settled in to watch parts of Jaws because the movie was filmed there and we specifically zoned in on the bridge I, Allisun, was going to jump off. Sure, sure, I told them, I’ll jump off the bridge. Like maybe in another life. At the second Black Dog dinner we went to Mino’s restaurant and made lists of what we needed to pack. I never found the list again but minkya, that dinner was knock-out.

I had this big plan where for once in my life when it came time to leave for my vacation, I would be gloriously ready. June, July FLEW by. What I crammed in was insane. All of a sudden I had four days left and then three and then it was the night before and I hadn’t STARTED A FREAKING THING.

Danny, Molly, Mino and Carol were sharing a house, Shelley and James and Remo and I were sharing another and Debbie and Graeme had a love nest all their own family. I packed everything you and I own. Our plan was to set off early, say four or five-ish but we hadn’t even gone to sleep yet. So we actually set off somewhere around 8 or 9 in the middle of rush-hour. After we’d dropped off our overdue movies and Brandan’s hockey registration and after we figured out Shelley and James were not waiting at the same Tim Horton’s we were waiting at.

Woo hoo! We were on vacation! Shortly before we reached the American border, I realized I didn’t have Kaillan and Emersan’s medicare cards. Remo asked if I was joking. No, really, Remo, I don’t have them. I didn’t know where they might be either. In my other purse? In their vaccination books? In a pocket somewhere? Did I have their birth certificates? No. Nothing. Remo half wanted to turn back. My plan was to try to get through the border by just turning over our ID and if they asked for medicare cards for the kids we’d oops, start looking for them. Then we could call our doctor to get their numbers and I had my insurance card to cover us anyway. If we got caught coming back without cards, I’d say I lost them there. Really, we had a vacation to get on with. Remo didn’t actually hesitate though I’m sure he’d have turned on me if they cuffed us.

We sailed through customs.

Shelley and James have Matthew, who has been in Brandan’s class for three years and has been on his soccer and hockey teams, they’re like brothers and get along like them too. They also have Sidney who is the same age as Kaillan. An adorable firecracker character. We played girl or boy movies depending on who was in the car with us at any given time. James insisted we follow him and I’m including that because hey, I admitted I went to another country without ID for my children.

Molly and Danny had already been in Martha’s Vineyard for a week. Graeme and Debbie were leaving the same day as us but were no way leaving at dawn as per our plan. Ha ha. We chugged along, walkie talkieing back and forth and stopped at probably the WORST McDonalds in the entire living world, James’s hamburger was goopy raw and we discovered that in the route according to James, we had just added four hours onto our drive. That interstate at that first rest stop? We should have probably turned there. Far be it from us to pick on a dying from food poisoning man, but was it painful admitting our detour to Graeme because he was in Boston already.

So we got to Boston and stayed in the hotel across from the biggest mall in Massachusetts and crammed all the shopping two women could squeeze in one hour and fifteen minutes with an Emmie in tow.

The next morning the guys took the three little girls for a tour of Boston while we set off with the boys and mapquest directions for Costco, Walmart and a grocery store. We had some things, mostly grocery if you will, to pick up before we got on the ferry. The guys bumped into Graeme and his boys outside Fenway park. With no premeditated plan, what are the odds of that?

We had to check in at the ferry at one o’clock. At say 11:45, we were about an hour away from the ferry loading groceries in the car when the guys called to say holy crap, traffic to Cape Cod was at a stand still. I was confident we would make it, Shelley looked ill. I tried to talk her mind off the crawl but we hit a point where even I was doubting myself. I called the ferry and was told no way, there wasn’t a space before 10 o’clock that night if we didn’t make it. The heavens opened up and so did the road and we flew like maniacs through a strange land, around curves and corners and like a mirage in the desert, we landed at the ferry. Remo and James were leaned up against the volvo shaking their heads. Remo called in the car to say we missed it. They had to go without us. Though I had a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach and Shelley was so disappointed and why didn’t we just buy whatever we needed on the island, I wasn’t going to give up.

We tried to figure out a contingency plan where women and children got on the first ferry, I was prepared to cry, to beg, to give him my new bathing suits, if only he would let us on that ferry. Please, please. Finally it was our turn and the guy looked at me like I was from another planet, of course we were on. I couldn’t see Remo and James because they were on the ground laughing their heads off. Creeps. At Woods Hole in Cape Cod we ordered us the best, THE BEST sandwiches ever for the ferry and all was well again.

Since I’m already at page three and sort of strapped for time, I should condense things a bit. Our house was perfect. We flipped for the master bedroom and Remo and I lost, we always lose flips. The girls had a room of their own with twin brass beds with little blue flowers on the comforters. The boys had the fold out couch in the den, we all had our own bathrooms. The house was brand new and decorated very nicely and the yard was immaculate.

I love Martha’s vineyard. It wasn’t really what I was expecting, but did I really know what I was expecting? Nope. It felt like we had gone back to another generation as we drove off the ferry onto the wooden bridge while people waved wildly to loved ones. They all looked like the Kennedy’s. As Molly and Danny drove us to our house and we passed miles and miles of umbrella clad beach, I fell in love. With the white sand and blue water and the smell of the sea.

Every morning Danny would call us to say whether we were going to Gayhead, State or South Beach. Then we’d pack up coolers and gear, you can’t imagine how much STUFF we would lug to the beach and all those children on top of it. The kids had a blast. The men played football or backgammon, the girls played in the sand, the boys dug holes, we moms walked for miles and everyone collected shells and boogie-boarded. We were toasty brown and relaxed and the biggest deal was what we would eat next. I had clam chowder twice a day.

One night we all drove to Manemsha beach, beside the docks, and we had wine and lobster on the beach and watched the sun set. I’ll never forget it. The air was still and warm. Sailboats were moored to the left of the piers and fishermen were sorting their lobster catches. We were so relaxed, so content. Kaillan was holding big Brandon’s hand (her twelve year old boyfriend, Molly’s son and the love of everyone’s life), gazing at him adoringly. The boys were catching crabs, Emmie and Paula were sitting on the blankets eating clam chowder crackers.

We turned our men into grocery shoppers. Remo is comfortable in that capacity, give him a list and he’ll meet your needs quite efficiently, it’ll just cost you four hundred dollars more. I mean, a family needs Fruit Loops! And Dr. Pepper! And Barbeque Chips! James’s experience, given that he has a more old-school approach to family responsibilities, is more limited. So the first day we realized, shoot, we didn’t have mayonnaise, we sent them off to the StopNShop. That they ran out the house may or may not have had anything to do with the kids fighting over who sat beside Emmie or who lost the Strawberry Shortcake puzzle pieces under the deck or who ate more grapes. Now, it’s too bad you weren’t there when they came running back in to the house. James was excited, AMAZED if you will, because we would not believe what they sold at the StopNShop. We had to sit down. Quick, you too. Do you know that they have macaroni salad, like behind the counter and all ready to go, prepared!!! Can you imagine? From that moment on, it became their morning ritual, the run to StopNShop.

Bridge day arrived. We started off souvenir shopping in town, buying up our Black Dog gear, eating Clam Chowder on the dock across from Chappaquiddick. Mino had gone earlier in the day to reserve our spot on the beach. I had my bridge jumping bikini on, the one I felt would hold on best. I thought it was better to at least look like a keener, we were so many people, maybe they would lose track of me in the crowd.

But not a chance.

We began that walk to the bridge slowly because we were barefoot and there were so many shells. And as I chitter-chatted to Kaillan, what I was really thinking was how the hell am I going to do this. What if I lost my bathing suit or worse, what if a fish swam up against my leg? I would die. Especially if it was a sharky kind of fish. There were a million people up there. The bridge is made out of wood. Some people were climbing over the railing and standing on the floor of it and jumping down, some people, crazy fools, were jumping off the railing and the absolute idiots were climbing up the railing on the other side of the walkway to jump over the walkway and first railing into the water. For the love of God, I wanted to do it so I could say I did it, but my stomach was flip-flopping, Though in the end, I agreed, I was TERRIFIED.

We decided Debbie, Molly, Shelley and I would jump at the same time. I felt like I was ten years old. The walk and the wait for our turn was impossibly fast because all of a sudden we were all hanging off the side. We counted to three twice. Molly and Debbie jumped. They looked excited and more important, they came up ALIVE. I could do it. Shelley counted with me a couple more times and then told me she was going with or without me. Gone. I was hanging off the side of the bridge all by myself and I knew full well, I should have jumped without counting or thinking. I ended up leaping off with an eleven year old stranger. All I remember is holding my top with one hand and my bottom with the other and thinking what do I do if I lose one of my stuff-ins, and when I hit the water all I had to get out fast before I knocked into a sea creature. I was shaking.

At the shore, in that initial rush, Graeme told me I was going off the railing. Me of such great pride and drive at that moment, agreed. Well actually it was when he challenged how I would be his partner in the Amazing Race if I couldn’t jump off a little bridge that pushed me. Molly said she would go up with me. I tried to climb the railing but every time someone leaped into the water they shook it. The distance from say your eyes down to the water was a good thirty feet. And though it didn’t look pretty with all that swirling green ocean down there, it was the act of actually jumping that freaked me out most. Molly gave me all the encouragement in the world, and there’s nobody I trust more but she couldn’t get me to jump. I got up on the railing and counted to three and then ten twenty five times and then I got back down. So then Graeme came up on the bridge and told me he would hold my legs. Now Graeme is a guy’s guy, too good looking, too cool to be hanging around holding my legs while I’m above him in a bikini. So I told him if he jumped like a fool off the far railing over this one into the water I would climb up fast and do it. Out of sheer pride. I swear, I was going to do it. He jumped and splashed and also came out alive and I tried, I really tried to do it. But again, I got up there and froze. Graeme came back and held my, excuse me while I hang my humiliatingly pink head under my desk, bum. He held my bum! For minutes or hours, however long it was while I tried to convince myself to go. Chanting, pretending I was in a burning building, or I had to do it for the sake of my kids. Danny ran out of battery on the camera it took that long. And finally he pushed me, or at least that’s what he says. I think I actually jumped. For all the embarrassment, I’ll never be able to look at Graeme the same again and they had a field day picking on me, I really am proud that I did it.

The only regret I had during our Martha’s Vineyard trip came when our days were numbered. One great distraction was our ferries out of there. We (Shelley’s and our family) were leaving on the Saturday and suivant, next, we were going to a resort hotel in North Conway for a couple days. We were both booked on 9:30 p.m. ferries and wait-listed for earlier but the problem was we still had at least four hour drives to North Conway. We kept calling and calling and were lucky enough to get an 8am ferry. On our last night we stayed up half the night doing laundry and packing. We had to check in at 7:30 but we still had to get the kids ready and load up our stuff and clean the fridge and house. At 7:20, we were ramming things and people into the van when we realized we didn’t even actually know which port we were leaving from. Holy crap. We flew out of there like maniacs and made it the twenty minute drive to Vineyard Haven in 8 minutes and there wasn’t a boat or body to be found. In the next seven minutes, the fly to the other port, Remo lectured me up on side and down the other about living my life like this. I could’ve spit, I was so mad at him and when we were so close but caught in traffic, I leaped out of the car and ran the rest of the way.

North Conway was really great though we didn’t have a lot of time at the outlets. On our last day I managed a four hour dash and bought so much, so fast they froze my credit cards. Remo came into the Nike store with the kids, how they found me over the pile I was carrying was beyond me, and said the car didn’t start. Yah, yah, right, I can smell a ploy from a mile away. When Brandan said it too, I thought how awful, including an innocent child in your scheming, especially considering half that pile was for him, I shooed them back out of the store and said I would be there in two minutes. It was at their cash in the middle of a $458.00 bill, when they said my credit card was frozen. We had to call to thaw it out. When finally I got outside, I discovered the battery really was dead. Bags were scattered everywhere, Remo gave me the ol’ ‘is this worth it’ expression and I felt like a miserable mess of a person. Shopping will be the death of me. Neither one of our phones worked because we were in the mountains. Would our CAA card work in the middle of nowhere? How long would it take? What if it wasn’t the battery? An angel of a woman in a very big, very fancy SUV pulled in beside us and I leaped at her feet and begged her to boost our battery. And she did and I kissed her face off and probably should have given her a pair of shoes for her trouble but she felt too sorry for me and my mess, she wouldn’t take anything.

We stopped at Walmart on the way out and bought a couple new movies for the kids and turned them on and picked up McDonalds and then the whole way to the border Remo and I gossiped about our trip. For all the craziness and expense and exhaustion, I do believe it was my best vacation ever.

And Canada let us in.

Crazy fools.